Are you dating, cohabiting or married to a cynical woman? You are not 100% confirmed about it, yet, sudden whiffs of doubt give you heebie-jeebies.
Here, you are at the right place. Kindly go through the following points and find out the truth yourself
She has a resting bitch face( even with you)
Does your girl stick to her resting bitch face, while you croon “Have you ever loved A Woman” during a romantic dinner date?
For the uninitiated, ‘resting bitch face’ is the third most powerful weapon a woman can have – next to Vagina Dentata and pepper spray, to swat away threats.
In case, your girl is up with her facial-armor, even you two are taking a stroll next to the Seine, she is a cynic.
She wears boxy tops and doesn’t shave the mustache
You love your woman in a sheath that accentuates her curves. Your gal, on the other hand, wears boxy tops.
She struts around in pants with loose-drawstrings in public places and never tucks it in, despite your constant chugging.
She is unfazed about her visible bra-straps as well. And shows no remorse toward her hairy upper-lip.
She misquotes Nietzsche
She has half-read “Thus Spoke Zarathustra” and now quotes (and misquotes) Nietzsche in the most inane moments.
Like: when you get caught stealing the last piece of cake, she admonishes by spouting –
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
She fakes orgasms and is nonchalant about it
She thinks sex is over-rated and fakes orgasms more than thrice a week. And when you unmask her fakery, the Cruella de Vil shrugs it away.
She is always in the hurry to get the ‘act’ done quickly and be back to binge-watch shows on Colombian drug cartels.
She chuckles, never smiles
In her childhood, she worshipped Heathcliff, Rhett Butler, and Mr. Rochester to such an unhealthy point that she never breaks into a smile anymore.
She only chuckles now and does occasional sarcastic laughs.
She has a ‘Valar Morghulis’ tattoo
She got ‘Valar Morghulis’ tattoo on her left foot to commemorate Valentine’s Day, rather than ‘imprinting’ your name.
She rolls eyes on your 5-year plan
She is into Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca and whomever Roman philosopher is in vogue right now, and practices stoicism with a vengeance.
Whenever you talk about the conjugal 5-year plan, she explains the futility of everything.
She is ‘fun at parties’
She does not laugh when your friends crack up wife-beating-up-husband jokes (that are the heart of WhatsApp forwarded messages in South-East Asia) at a wedding reception.
She also admits that her ‘Chanel’ tote is a fake one (bought from a nondescript Delhi shop) when your favorite aunt goes gaga after its bling.
She is not curious about your ‘disruptive technology’
Are you are working on a disruptive idea about delivering frozen Greek yogurt in humid Indian summer, to those who have lack of vitamin-D, via drones? Congratulations.
But tell it to your girl and if she gives a dead-pan look as a feedback, then she is a cynic.
Incidentally, between Steve Wozniak and Elon Musk, she takes side with the former.
She quotes Kahlil Gibran to your mother
Whenever your mother calls her up and asks her to feed you (the ‘man-child’) only home-cooked meals, your girl quotes Kahlil Gibran lines that would spark terror in the minds of any doting Indian parent
“Your children are not your children….And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
Get a closer look. Does your girl tick all the boxes? Then she is a certified cynic.
Now leave her or stay with her- at your own peril.