Recently, I came upon a term “Aboulomania”.
Aboulomania might sound eerie at first but in other words, this is indecisiveness that is both pathological, extreme and can easily be termed as a mental disorder.
Now as far as I can rewind my life in retrospect— I had always been indecisive.
Not “Should I go for strawberry or chocolate flavor?” level of indecisive but “Should I live or die?” level of unsure.
Those who know me (closely and on a shallow level), unanimously agreed upon that- I’m indecisive as AF.
And it has cost me a lot-
a) choosing the totally unsuitable stream of study and screwing up and still recovering.
b) agreeing to marry a guy after tossing and turning in bouts of sleeplessness, constant bickering and shedding the copious amount of tears, even if I know him for last 10 years.
c) Putting on weight just because I couldn’t decide which form of exercise would make me less bored and what sort of diet would not leave me craving.
So I’m telling you (you- who is fidgeting constantly or swing like a pendulum), you’ve two choices to tone down the indecisiveness-
a) consult an expert (always first choice) or
b) devise a strategy.
And remember, you can’t just snap out of it. The transition takes time. And still, it may remain there in bits and bobs.
First going back to root: why I’m indecisive?
I don’t know whether it’s genetics but my parents are pretty indecisive themselves( though they won’t admit it and on top of it- blame me as if I’m spoilt with choices.
So my indecisiveness stemmed from-
a) family conditioning’
b) anxiety– it has been hammered into my head since childhood( or children from middle-class families of India would relate to it), there is no safety net/ fallback option for us.
This sermonizing could lead to two outcomes-
it may make
a) someone more go-getter or
b) always second-guessing, taking eons to put her shit together.
I belong to the second category.
So what coping strategies have I devised for my’indecisive’self?
a) Tossing a coin
This may sound filmy but tossing a coin gives me an adrenaline rush. It might not be the most logical or scientific way to sort out s**t but it works to figure out more trivial binaries-
i) dinner vs takeaway
ii) going to multiplex vs torrenting (*sheepish grin*)
iii) to call vs not to call
b) Rubbing shoulders with “right” people
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
― Jim Rohn
One day, I heard a remarkable news from my one of my acquaintances.
She is a folk-singer in her early 40s and has secured a scholarship to do a PhD on Ethnomusicology in London.
Here, I’m shitting in pants overthinking that- my life is effed up ’cause I’m not in tech and it’s too late to learn to code.
And this lady is going to study music in her early 40s- which in this STEM-crazy world is akin to career harakiri.
And she is not from privileged class either. What she has, is conviction..
So try to hang-out with ‘self-assured’ folks.
Or listen to “Que Sera Sera”
c) Say “F**k Off” to your reflection and get go
I hesitate to use cuss words in my writing but just like point a) it works sometimes and feels good.
d) Don’t let bullies a field-day
i) Fake confidence,
ii) keep your mouth shut and act stupid
But don’t blurt out to “bossy” types that you get puzzled with many choices.
e) Move, jog, walk before taking a decision
When the weight of making a decision is too much to bear, leave the spot. Hell, even going to loo and taking a dump and introspecting (during the dumping session) can give you much-needed clarity.
f) Think 40-70 rule
I’ve not applied it consciously. But you may give it a go. Here’s the link to know it better.
Lastly, *bad infographic alert*