An idiot’s guide to ‘getting hitched’ through depression

Disclaimer: I’m not a trained mental health expert. So don’t shoot me if it doesn’t work for you.

 

How about a ‘minimal’ wedding?

For  Indians (I’m generalizing here)- marriage has always been a raucous affair.

Though I’m noticing an inclination in next generation (especially in Bengali community)  for a low-key wedding , the older lot (at large) still stuck into rut-

“If we don’t show-off in our offspring’s wedding, what will other’s say?”

How to get through wedding ceremony when you are depressed

image credit: Pexels

Before my marriage actually took place, I was depressed.

If it was onto me, I would’ve married with my sleeping-suit on, signing on the dotted line while eating french-toast for breakfast with the free hand.

Sadly, not all was within my control as we know how many emotional strings wedding pulls, in this part of the world.

 

Anyway, to keep my sanity in check, I was adamant in 4 things –

i) I went to my wedding make-up free. Sorry “bridal make-up” YouToubers, you tried earnestly but still I failed to believe the BS –

 

Every woman wants look her best on wedding day.”

ii) I  trimmed down the invitees’ list mercilessly. At last, we ended up having 150  guests.

 

iii) There were no pre/ post/ candid wedding-photoshoots. Being in front of the camera makes me nervous and I didn’t want to torment my ‘already’ strained nerves.

 

iv) I requested my “then-boyfriend-now-husband” that I’ll not sit through the ceremony more than 1 hour.

Okay, it stretched to 1.5 hours but the man earned few brownie points for being in accordance with.

Tip:

If you’re depressed and it’s not possible to delay the wedding  further,  tell your family that if they impose another shred of grandeur, you’d run away.

The last bit sometimes works, especially with Indian parents.

 

2. Open up to your spouse but keep expectations low 

What I’ve learned (and I’m a hopeless learner) in this inconsequential journey of life is-  binary is perplexing.

What if your spouse believes- 50 push-ups a day would keep depression at a bay?

It’s quite normal that s/he is a wonderful human being otherwise, but doesn’t include mental health in priority list.

GIF credit: GIPHY

Tip:

Don’t divorce yet. Let the other one know that you are suffering and striving your best to come out of it.

If s/he is a sensitive human being,  hopefully the atmosphere would be conducive for you to heal.

But in order to do that-

Try very hard not to marry an A**hole in the first place (which again quite a feat ). So good luck with that.

 

3. Practice self-care

The writing on the wall is clear for married Indian women (or maybe women worldwide)- the lion’s share of household chores would fall on their shoulders.

Well, a big F**k to that.

When you are suffering from depression and the first thing you do waking up each morning is to cry – household chores can go shag themselves.

I believe in following these self-care tips-

How to plod through your wedding when you are su

image credit: Pexels

 

  •  share the to-do list with the person you’re sharing the roof over (especially, when you hate to bother over domestic-help, like me).

 

  •  The subtle changes a new lifestyle brings on can feel overwhelming to an ‘already ‘distressed mind.

       Don’t forget your therapy for too long. I did,  suffered and now I’m back on getting the help I need.

 

  •  Take each day at a time.

 

  •  Tune out all the “newly married” BS or you might end up feeling confused-

Why you’re still feeling like a crap while others gloating over their newly-changed relation status? 

Ans: They might be better at camouflaging.

 

  • Marriage is no cure for all. You’ll still feel depressed, overweight and an under-acheiver. And the journey is yours alone.

 

  • Draw a boundary with both sets of parents. Parents, even with good-intention, can spoil the broth cooked by a newly-wed couple. Again in a clannish societal structure, that is a tough job to be done but not impossible.

 

  •  Keep writing your heart’s out.

But again, to do all the above-mentioned ones-

GIF credit: GIPHY

How did you cope with depression in crucial phases of life- be it an exam, new job, or post-partum? Do share.

8 thoughts on “An idiot’s guide to ‘getting hitched’ through depression

  1. Mike says:

    I, too, felt that your post was pretty awesome and to express your thoughts and even ways from a more strategic angle was pretty interesting; as you don’t know who could catch sight of what came to mind from this alone. To impact is to do so, depending on that person for sure no matter how the situations differ while contending against depression.

    As of current am I warring with it too; one day after the next with those natural moments of really working its way through even my life. But always is it able to target your most prized–emotionally, being it’s sign of preference, as where it most eases it’s way in. My ways of coping however. On a constant is it a trial to at times smile but also do I tell myself that not only do I live once, but I also give myself a reminder of how far I’ve come. .even if it doesn’t appear as such to me.

    . .But why not become that ‘Delusional Donna’ just for those episodes, right? It’s all we have sometimes, as idiotic as it could appear to many and so on. When I’m in the middle of taking care of personal business am I held back by those chosen set of words needed due to the obvious of reasons and at times to maintain what grasp I have to what I deem around that time as strength do I bite back, as they haven’t a clue what or who I am y’know? It’s sensible yes?

    To cope means to, while having these issues, duel and to make a blog on this are you touching quite a few I’m sure; even those who simply read. But hey, I had to say something. Again, situations differ but teamwork still retains its meaning and by far do I have to remind myself of such. Glad to find a post like this, and thank you.

    • Jheelam says:

      I liked the term “Delusional Donna” and can resonate with it. 😀

      Mental health is a hugely tabooed and neglected topic in South-East Asian culture and you can’t talk about it openly, you need to cultivate all sorts of coping means on your own/or with the help of a therapist (finding a reliable one is hard too).

      Blogging about it is my mean of venting out some steam and getting in touch with few compadres in the process.

      Thank you Mark for taking your time out and reading my post. 🙂

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